My youngest daughter taught me a lot about consent. From the moment she hit the sheets she hated everyone. By age 6 months she had developed what we called “The Mean Look” that she threw at anyone she didn’t know or didn’t know well that decided to send attention her way. Random strangers ran from this look, it was that intense. Over time my daughter learned to trust the people she saw often and would go up for a cuddle or hug and now The Mean Look is a thing of the past, but that first few years taught me a lot about respecting a child’s need to be in charge of their own body and feelings.
I'm a big advocate of encouraging a foundation of consent in young children. Your children may be seeing a lot of people that are unfamiliar or less familiar to them over the holidays and may be uncomfortable with expected hugs and kisses. Offer your child, instead, a choice of ways in which to say hello or goodbye - a hand shake, high five, wave or hug - and let them choose. Let your child know that it is courteous to say hello or goodbye but they can choose the way they feel most comfortable.
When headed to hang out with Santa, if that is something you do, respond to your child’s cues. Invite your child to hug Santa but don’t expect them to and please don’t force them to sit on Santa’s lap. It is such a bizarre cultural phenomena that we work so hard to warn our children about strangers and then encourage them to run up to one and give them a hug.
Use your platform as a parent to quietly (or loudly) educate your friends and relatives about the importance of the early understanding of consent. Respecting your children now lays the foundations of all their future relationships and helps them understand that if they aren’t comfortable is good and right for them to voice their discomfort and for us to support them. If you are questioned by those around you as to why let them know that you are supporting the early development of consent in your child, something we can all get behind.
By empowering a child’s ability to say, “yes” and by respecting a child when they say, “no” we are building a human society where consent doesn’t have to be learned as adults, it will be in the creation of every person.